The Ballad of Paul Krugman
(sung to “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General” by Gilbert & Sullivan)

I am the very model of a New York Times columnist
The facts are inconvenient, my opinion is the very best
So listen very carefully as I pronounce with biased zest
I am the very model of a New York Times columnist

I’m blind to every transgression by leftist, Green, or Democrats
I love a larger government, enamored by more bureaucrats
So I’ll encourage statism and ignore every Clinton tryst
I am the very model of a New York Times columnist

The government exists to generate brand-new entitlements
So raise those taxes high, take all the dollars, nickels, dimes and cents
And I’ll be sure to vilify those like Hastert, Delay and Frist
I am the very model of a New York Times columnist

On issues foreign policy, my views are academical
Republicans starting wars are treasonous and heretical
Unless you are a Democrat, I’m strictly isolationist
I am the very model of a New York Times columnist

The war upon Iraq will be a failure ‘til we find anthrax
I don’t care ‘bout those mass graves or the stories of Saddam’s attacks
Don’t want to hear about the rape, the torture and his iron fist
I am the very model of a New York Times columnist

I’m full of moral vanity and my virtue is beyond review
I’m blind to my own prejudice and operate without a clue
With Bush there in the White House, I’m an eternal pessimist
I am the very model of a New York Times columnist