Amazing Race update – Schnell, Deutschland

Teams are either washing trolleys or opening nesting dolls on the “to be continued” leg from last week. Eventually all of them make it to Phil on the mat behind Red Square in Moscow where he hands off the next clue: fly to Frankfurt, Germany then take a train to Stuttgart and find the Mercedes-Benz factory. Eric & Jeremy arrive first; David & Lori last. Team Frat Boys make the first flight out of Moscow to Frankfurt while everybody else waits for the computer to reboot at the Aeroflot counter. (No kidding). While everybody is still either at the terminal or on the tarmac in Moscow, Team Frat Boys jump way ahead by catching the train to Stuttgart. Team Ole Miss and Team Burning Man manage to catch the last night flight out of Moscow; the other teams must wait until the morning.

At Stuttgart, the first three teams must wait until 8:30 a.m. for the factory to open and they’re all given a ride on a test track that includes a “Wall of Death.” Very fast. After they’re done with this diversion, the teams take the cars and must drive to Elbach Field in a town off the autobahn and search for a Travelocity gnome in the field. Although this is possibly the easiest Roadblock in the history of the Amazing Race, Michelle convinces her husband Lake to run through a field. (If they make it any further in the Race, they’re going to run up against the 6-6 rule on Roadblocks; then Michelle will have to bungee jump or something.)

The remaining teams arrive at the cow field in the order of their map-reading abilities. Team Kukla somehow arrives first of the lagging teams, finds their gnome, and heads off. Meanwhile, Team Boricua gets lost on the autobahn, driving in the wrong direction. They’re followed by Team Pink who figured it would be a good idea to just follow Wanda & Desiree rather than read a map themselves. That would require, you know, thinking and stuff. After the field, teams must head to Bavaria Film near Munich for the next clue.

Team Frat Boys arrive first and hit the Detour - Smash it or Slap it: teams may either break bottles (the movie kind) over their heads until they find a marked label, or learn a difficult German dance. Frat Boys, Team Burning Man and Team Ole Miss all do bottles and these teams leave pretty close together. While fooling around with the bottles, Eric & Jeremy flirt with the St. Pauli girl stationed nearby. Those guys are so gay.

All the other teams are putting on lederhosen and either breaking bottles or learning that German slap-dance. Team MoJo then Team Volcano start with bottles but give up and try the dance. Meanwhile, Team Pink and Team Boricua are just arriving in the cow field so you know one of these two will be last unless some other team gets majorly sidetracked. Sure enough, Dani finds the gnome and Team Pink is off.

After the Detour, teams are heading to the Pit Stop at the Siegestor in Munich. The gay frat boys arrive first and Phil tells them they’re real Casanovas; Jeremy responds that they hope the girls arrive so they can play some tongue hockey. Phil gives the classic look of revolted disgust, his eyebrows pulled back, the cartoon balloon above his head reading: “Tools.” Well, that’s what I imagined. Their mothers must be so proud of their car wash attendant sons.

Anyway, Desiree is walking around the cow field with her headlamp on, pretty much conceding defeat. Which is a shame, because I really liked them as a team, and fans of the Race have seen plenty of teams make a major comeback if they just keep moving. But even though they’re only a couple of minutes behind the girls, Wanda & Desiree arrive last and are eliminated from the Race.

Final standings:

#1 – Team Frat Boys (again!) – Eric & Jeremy – Travelocity trip to Africa
#2 – Team Burning Man – B.J. & Tyler
#3 – Team Ole Miss – Lake & Michelle
#4 – Team Kukla – Fran & Barry
#5 – Team Nerd – David & Lori
#6 – Team MoJo – Monica & Joseph
#7 – Team Volcano – Ray & Yolanda
#8 – Team Pink – Dani & Dani
#9 – Team Boricua – Wanda & Desiree – PHILIMINATED

Next week: Looks like Italy.

Extra – Check out Pat at Brainster and Kris at Dummocrats for their recaps.