Worst Simpsons list ever

In anticipation for the Simpsons' 300th episode, herewith is my list of the top 10 Simpsons episodes:

Homer and Apu – Apu loses his job at the Kwik-E-Mart and must travel to India to get it back. At Kwik-E-Mart headquarters, the Indian CEO/guru sits under a sign reading "The Master Knows Everything except Combination to Safe."

Homer: "Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead"

Lisa's Rival – Overachiever Lisa must accept that there might be somebody more advanced than her. Two reasons why this is a great episode: Ralph Wiggum "My cat's breath smells like cat food" and Homer's pile of sugar.

Rosebud – Mr. Burns, as Citizen Kane, will do anything to get his bear Bobo back. "Mmmm….64 slices of American cheese." The Ramones sing "Happy Birthday" to Mr. Burns.

Bart the Lover – Bart poses as a love interest for Mrs. Krabappel, who falls in love with "Woodrow." After Bart sets her up and Edna waits in a restaurant for the non-existent Woodrow, Bart sees his dejected teacher and says: "I can't help but feel partially responsible." Classic.

Marge on the Lam – So many great moments in this one: Marge goes out with next-door neighbor Ruth Powers and they end up in a "Thelma and Louise" chase. It was nice to see Marge bond with another woman. Meanwhile, Homer has to watch the kids and refer to the card in his pocket which reads: "Always do the opposite of what Bart says." My favorite scene: Homer and Chief Wiggum are chasing Marge and Ruth on a darkened highway, when Ruth turns off the lights on her car. Chief Wiggum slams on the brakes, terrified at the "missing" auto, and yells "It's a ghost car!"

Lisa on Ice –Bart and Lisa are at each others throats all the time, so I really like the ending of this one where they skate off the ice together after a bitter and violent hockey game. Includes another great Ralph line: after he receives an academic warning for English, he says "Me fail English? That's unpossible."

Homer: "Oh my God, Marge. A penalty shot, with only four seconds left. It's your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise, the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore."

Bart Sells his Soul – Starts out with Bart handing out "hymns" at church and everyone sings "In the Garden of Eden" (actually "In-a-gadda-da-vida") by I. Ron Butterfly for 19 minutes. Rev. Lovejoy: "This sounds like rock and/or roll!" Also, the most improbable Bart quote: "I'm familiar with the poetry of Pablo Neruda." The whole episode is a sly commentary on the nature of religion…well, except for the part where "Uncle" Moe opens a family restaurant.

Marge vs. the Monorail – Mr. Burns is forced to pay a huge fine for illegal dumping, and the town is duped into buying a monorail. Includes the great "Monorail Song" and Leonard Nimoy, to whom Mayor Quimby says: "May the force be with you."

Selma's Choice – Selma feels a longing for children, but changes her mind after taking Bart and Lisa to Duff Gardens. Classic moment: "Homer, have you been eating that sandwich again?"

[Bart is hanging upside down from a rollercoaster at Duff Gardens]
Selma: "Can't you do something?"
Surly (one of the "Seven Duffs"): "Hey, Surly only looks out for one guy – Surly"
Selma: "Sorry, Surly"
Surly: "Shut up"

Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie – Homer forbids Bart from seeing the Itchy and Scratchy movie. In the future, Homer and Chief Justice Bart finally see it – "Mmmm….soylent green"

Marge: "Do you want your son to become Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?"
Homer: "Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren?"

All episode summaries, along with a lot of other great stuff, can be found at the incomparable Simpsons Archive at www.snpp.com.