Thursday, June 07, 2007

Second greatest judicial ruling ever

Defending a client on the charge of stealing beer, a lawyer urged the judge: "Like the Beetles [sic] say: 'Let it be.'" The Montana judge responded with a Fab Four flurry:

"If I were to overlook your actions and Let It Be, I would ignore that Day in the Life on April 21, 2006.

"Evidently, earlier that night you said to yourself I Feel Fine while drinking beer.
"Later, whether you wanted Money or were just trying to Act Naturally you became the Fool on the Hill on North 27th Street.

"As Mr Moonlight at 1.30am, you did not Think for Yourself but just focused on I, Me, Mine.

"Because you didn't ask for Help, Wait for Something else or listen to your conscience saying Honey Don't, the victim later that day was Fixing a Hole in the glass door you broke."
Mega hat tip to Betsy. However, this can't compare to my all-time favorite: "No Judge Ito"

Before proceeding further, the Court notes that this case involves two extremely likable lawyers, who have together delivered some of the most amateurish pleadings ever to cross the hallowed causeway into Galveston, an effort which leads the Court to surmise but one plausible explanation. Both attorneys have obviously entered into a secret pact - complete with hats, handshakes and cryptic words - to draft their pleadings entirely in crayon on the back sides of gravy-stained paper place mats, in the hope that the Court would be so charmed by their child-like efforts that their utter dearth of legal authorities in their briefing would go unnoticed. Whatever actually occurred, the Court is now faced with the daunting task of deciphering their submissions.

With Big Chief tablet readied, thick black pencil in hand, and a devil-may-care laugh in the face of death, life on the razor's edge sense of exhilaration, the Court begins.
Sheer poetry. And that's just the warm-up!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I laughed just as hard this time at "No Judge Ito" as I did the first time you posted it. Thanks for the humor break.
Blair

Anonymous said...

Further proof that Cheney outed Plame.

Anonymous said...

It starts off okay, but to keep his premise going, the judge has to make a few "Long, Long, Long" stretches.