Transcript of Bush-Chirac telephone conversation
From the Associated Press: France’s Chirac, Bush speak by Telephone
PARIS - French President Jacques Chirac and President Bush spoke by telephone for the first time in more than two months Tuesday, in a possible sign of warming ties after their bitter dispute over war in Iraq.
GWB: Frere Jacques! The Chiracinator! What’s up?
JC: Hello, George, my old friend.
] You know, I prefer to be called Mr. President.
JC: But of course, Mr. President.
GWB: Hey Jock-Strap, did you know both your first and
last name rhyme with Iraq? Kinda makes you think, huh?
JC: Mr. President, I’d like to congratulate you on America’s success and talk about what we can do together to rebuild Iraq.
GWB: What did you have in mind, yellow?
JC: Excuse me?
GWB: I mean what do you have in mind, my fine fellow?
JC: Well, Mr. President, France believes that the best way to help the Iraqi people and re-establish the relevancy of international law, would be to let the United Nations take over the rebuilding effort
JC: Mr. President?
GWB: Oh, pardon moi
, I just put the phone down for a second while I cut my toenails. You were saying?
JC: I said the United Nations should take an active role.
GWB: Hey Joke…I mean Jacques…I have an idea. Since Iraq is a whole new country now, I think it’s unfair that it should be saddled with old debt. What do you say you forgive all the debt owed to France by Iraq. That could be a start.
GWB: And I think we should start fresh in terms of oil contracts. I’m sure the Iraqis are very grateful for all the development work that TotalFinaElf has done in their country, but they might feel more comfortable working with countries that, you know, helped to liberate them. I’m thinking Halliburton for development and BP for production.
JC: Mr. President, surely this kind of arbitration falls under the purview of the United Nations….
GWB: There you go with that United Nations again. Tell you what, Chirac-o-lamb, why don’t you put together a resolution on Iraqi reconstruction and submit it to the Security Council? I got a really
itchy veto finger ready to scratch.
JC: But Mr. President, please be reasonable. International opinion…..
] Whoa, whoa, Jacques, can you hold on? Don Rumsfeld just walked into the Oval Office with an important update from Iraq. It’ll just be a second.
[Rumsfeld, sitting on a couch, covers his mouth and starts to laugh
JC: Yes, Mr. President. I can wait.
GWB: OK, thanks, it’ll just be a moment. [Puts Chirac on hold
] – C’mon Rummy, let’s go get us some cheeseburgers and freedom fries.
[They leave, roaring with laughter