The endlessly entertaining Imam

Q.: “How does Allah select souls to send to Muslim parents and to non-Muslim parents?”
A.: “According to the Ahaadith, every child is born with Islam. The parents convert the child to other religions.”

Wow! I was baptized Catholic, raised as a Presbyterian, but I’ve really been a Muslim all this time! Let’s try another one:

Q: “I would like for you to answer this for me if you would. when i was 17 a non muslim who at the time was a friend of mine swore at allah and said a disheartening curse to almighty allah, i did not hit him but instead, i only told him to stop swearing at allah swa. Now i regret it i feel llike killing him. he in his own way sed sorry to me but it was no ordinary apology. sed apologise and simply replied ok. this was his apology. now i still feel as if im not a worthy muslim. what must i di and will i go to hell for my failure and fear of reaction?”

A.: “No, you will not be held responsible for failing to take action against him. Insha Allah, you are a worthy Muslim. Every Muslim has honour in the sight of Allah.”

But if he does it again, slit the pig’s throat. Imam out!