Sucking out the last bit of marrow - If anybody doubts that Michael Jackson's father only saw his kids as human ATMs, check out this Fox News story "Joe Jackson: Michael's funeral will be large, open to public": "After plugging his record company, Michael Jackson's father Joe said in a press conference outside his home Monday that the familiy was planning a large public funeral for the deceased singer."

T-shirts, $20, official programs $10. Stay classy, Joe.