Amazing Race update – Do not pass go without a passport

If I wasn't explicit last week, let me state as a long-time TAR fan that Andrew & Dan of Team Bluto are possibly the dumbest team to make it to the final four. They misread clues enough to make me think they're illiterate. They blow all of their traveling cash on airport shoes. They can't find their way or complete Detour/Roadblock tasks. Yet – somehow – they've made it this far on luck and the misfortune of other teams.

Well, let's get back to the Race: teams are still in Moscow and they must find a submarine for the next clue, held by an actor who appeared in "The Hunt for Red October." Team Bluto admits at the outset they've made "an incredible amount of mistakes." After searching the submarines, teams make their way to Park Iskusstv for the next clue. This is the Roadblock: one team member must search the park and count the number of statues to Lenin and Stalin, then give the combined number to the owner of a bookstore who will provide a book with directions to the next clue.

Nick correctly counts six Lenins and two Stalins and Team Perky jumps out to a significant lead. Team Infidelity is bickering again. Dallas miscounts badly and has to wait to make additional guesses. Meanwhile, Nick & Starr go to a park to find a woman with a Shetland pony who hands them the Detour. The Detour is "Ride the Rails" or "Ride the Lines." Teams may take a train, buy a pastry, and then hand it to a babukshka, and head back or something. Or they may take a trolley, obtain a key from a keymaker, ride back, and open a locker. Both are confusing but it looks like the subway avoids the problem of Moscow's traffic.

Did I mention "the misfortune of other teams"? Dallas of Team Mom/Son hops out of a taxi after completing the Roadblock and leaves behind his bag with all his money and his passport. I've never seen this on the Race and I don't believe a team can continue on without a passport. In other words, I think Team Mom/Son just disqualified itself. Meanwhile, Team Bluto is so far behind (and they haven't even done the Speed Bump!) that they would never survive without this deus ex machina.

At the park, Team Bluto hits their Speed Bump: they must perform a Russian dance before they can continue on. (This is their punishment from the non-elimination leg.) Toni & Dallas also arrive at the park but because they traveled by subway instead of taxi (as the clue dictated) they are not given an envelope. They need to head back to where they started and take a taxi to the park with no money. Nick and Starr are cruising and they complete the Detour: they head to VDNKh Park and the Pit Stop where they finish first yet again.

Somehow, Andrew & Dan arrive to the mat in second place. Team Infidelity is right behind but they failed to pick up the clue after the Detour and they need to go back to the train station. This appears to be just a minor distraction because Toni & Dallas are way behind, begging Russians for cab fare. Sure enough, we don't even get to see them at the mat as Phil stops them as they're trying to finish the Detour to tell them their Race is done.

Final standings:

Team Perky – Nick & Starr
Team Bluto – Andrew & Dan
Team Infidelity – Ken & Tina
Team Mom/Son – Toni & Dallas – PHILIMINATED

Next week: The finale.