John Kerry’s political mentor: Homer Simpson

There’s a Simpsons episode called “Trash of the Titans” where Homer runs for city sanitation commissioner: his campaign slogan is “Can’t Somebody Else Do It?” He promises the people of Springfield that his garbagemen will attend to every unpleasant task. Homer wins the election then, through his incompetence, proceeds to turn Springfield into “America’s Trash-hole.”

It appears that Senator Splunge has adopted Homer’s successful platform. Kerry’s “Meet the Press” appearance today repeatedly hit the same theme of easy answers through deferred responsibility. I’m pretty much working off memory here – the transcript will be out in a couple of days – but on issue after issue, Kerry took the simplistic route of “Can’t Somebody Else Do It?”

On Iraq: Can’t the United Nations do it? One of the “first things” Kerry would do in his administration (shudder) is “repair” the American rift with the United Nations. Then we’re sure to see the same success in nation building that the U.N. brought to bear in Somalia.

On Cuba: Can’t other nations lift the trade embargo first? Kerry once supported the easing of the trade embargo but on “Meet the Press” he now says he wouldn’t do it “unilaterally.” This fealty to the notion that the United States shouldn’t do anything without the approval of other countries disturbs me greatly, especially for someone who wants to be President. (The Cuba question was a real curve ball for Kerry. You could practically see one of those “Blind Date” bubbles above his head reading: “This wasn’t in the briefing book!”)

On funding the government: Can’t the rich do it? Kerry would repeal tax cuts on everyone making more than $200,000 but leave the middle class tax breaks in effect. Russert essentially asked why Kerry wanted to punish those people who produce and generate jobs and the Senator resorted to a cheap populist mantra.

On saving Social Security: Can’t the rich do it (again)? Kerry floated an idea of raising the limit on taxable income to increase Social Security revenues but (to an incredulous Russert) insisted this wasn’t a tax increase. When pressed as to what the new taxable income limit should be to support this cornerstone of the New Deal, Kerry responded “I have no idea.”

Now I’m just some seldom-read Internet pundit, but I have some pretty clear thoughts on what I believe should be done on issues of foreign policy and economic policy. They may be wrong, but I’m willing to express them and debate them. Kerry, who I often call “Senator Splunge” for his inability to make up his mind, has “no idea” on a critical federal program. On Cuba, he blandly announces we have to “re-evaluate” our position on Cuba but won’t say anything about the trade embargo. He essentially says: “Stuff! We have to do stuff!” On North Korea, we have to do…something. On Iraq, we need to spend more money and bring in the United Nations, but not for U.S. troops, who will essentially keep on doing what they’re doing, but safer. Very rarely does Kerry present a position that is specific and every proposal is all ice cream and no broccoli – all benefit but no thought for cost.

Well, we can all be happy in the knowledge that no matter what the government pays for, somebody else will be taxed. You know, that rich guy.